New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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