Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
