stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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