Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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