did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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