I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
