I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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