can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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