Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
