she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
