I love black thongs
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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