yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
