God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
