i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
