WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
