Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He shit in the fireplace
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
