New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
