Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
