You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
