Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
