Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
