lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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