I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
