i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
