dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
