I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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