Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize