I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
