He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
