I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
