my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
