Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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