Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
