Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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