I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize