I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
