is your mom at the bar?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
