$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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