all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
