I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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