hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
