I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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