Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
