His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
