did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
