Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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