i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
