btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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