I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize