I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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