I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
