So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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