My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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