He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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