I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
