Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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