Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
