Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
