He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
