im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
