you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
