You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
