I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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