Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
