So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
