we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
